Tonight at eight you should-a seen a chauffeur 
pull up in a rented limousine! 
My neighbors burned!  They like to die!
When I tell them who is gettin' in and going' out is I!

If they could see me now, that little gang of mine,
I'm eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine.
I'd like those stumble bums to see for a fact
The kind of top - drawer, first  - rate chums I attract.
All I can say is, "Wow  -   ee! Look - a where I    am.
Tonight I landed,   pow! right in a pot of    jam."
What a   set up!    Ho - ly     cow!
They'd never be - lieve it, 
If My Friends Could See Me Now!____________

If they could see me now, my little dusty group, 
Traipsin' 'round this million dollar chicken coop. 
I'd hear those thrift shop cats say:
"Brother, get her!  Draped on a bed spread made from three kinds of fur."
All I can say is, "Wow!   Wait  till  the rifff and raff
See just exactly how   he signed this auto - graph."
What a build  up!   Ho - ly     cow!
They'd never be - lieve it, 
If My Friends Could See Me Now!____________

If they could see me now, alone with Mister V., 
Who's waitin' on me like he was a maitre d'. 
I hear my bud - dies say - ing:
"Crazy, what gives?  Tonight she's living like the other half lives."
To think the highest brow, which I must say is he,
Should pick the lowest brow,
which there's no doubt is me. 
What a step up!  Ho - ly     cow!
They'd never be - lieve it, 
If My Friends Could See Me Now!____________

Circa 1965
Words and Music by Dorothy Fields and Cy Coleman
Copyright © Notable Music Co., Inc. and Lida Enterprises, Inc.